I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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