And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
