May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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