Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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