No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
