Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
