listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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