Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
