Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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