Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
