He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
