I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
