I want to have your abortion
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
