Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
