so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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