I got chris browned last night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
