I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
