i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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