I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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