oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
