1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
