oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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