Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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