Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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