my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
