He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
