I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
vagina is talking i cant
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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