I want to stick my p in your. b.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
