If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
