Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
