I'm really into asian looking animals
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
