i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
