Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
