I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
