There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
