so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
