The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize