Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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