was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
