Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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