Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
