Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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