maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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