So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
