WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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