Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
