Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
