what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
