did you get engaged???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
