yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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