Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
