Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All the doctor said was why
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
