you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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