I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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