I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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