I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
