I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
