At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
