talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
