he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
