That's when you crack a 10am beer
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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