On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
