Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
