We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
