Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
