i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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