We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
