it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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