I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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