And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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