is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
