discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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