maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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