I just cut my nipple shaving
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
